sweet action |
ASSignment: ASSFest |
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Isaac told me I better get serious and write a real newsletter about A Solo Show Festival happening at Sweet ASStion Theatre from Dec 9 - Dec 11, and not a typical half-ASSed hack job. I said to him, “But I was using my whole ASS” (yes, the Simpsons once again said it best already). So here we go, legit newsletter. No rumour section or corporate shill section. No complaints about subscriptions. No Crate & Barrel apologies. Nothing but ASS: |
| Double Bill: 10,000 Digits of Pi + WorkshoppingFRIDAY DEC 9 @ 7PM Vinay Sagar remounts his HIT Fringe show. He recites the digits of pi starting from digit 2084. I SAW THE FIRST 2083 digits and let me tell you the fun RAMPS UP as the DIGITS being to REPEAT! Just kidding, pi is IRRATIONAL BB. Well, to get technical pi is TRANSCENDENTAL! And so is Vinay’s show. You’d be a CRUMB to miss this one! As an added bonus there are 4 fancy peeps doing 4 fancy little SKITS all by their lonesomes BEFORE VINAY. That gives Vinay time to MAMORIZE MOAR | |
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Oops I Booked A Solo ShowFRIDAY DEC 9 @ 9:30PM Gordon Neill wonders why people keep unsubscribing from this newsletter for just under an hour in a REMOUNT of his SILENT CLASSIC, “Oops I Booked A Solo Show”. Bring your tissues as we CONSIDER WHAT IT MEANS to FLOP THE FLOP. For those of you who saw my original 3 solo shows, I’m doing #3 again with some new bits. Plz DON’t SUBSCRIBE ILU <3<3<3 | |
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| WorkshoppingSATURDAY DEC 10 @ 3:30PM Some fantastic CURMUDGEONS who cAN’t or WON’t work with others have come together to SEPARATELY workshop their UPCOMING solo shows. Come see Indiana Jones before he was Indiana Jones. Anybody remember a little ditty called STAR WARS? This is STAR WARS | |
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Donna Carnivora’s Killer PartySATURDAY DEC 10 @ 5PM Honestly I would love to joke about this show which I have seen several times, but there are LITERAL BLOOD STAINS on the CEILING of SWEET ASSTION THEATRE all due to the last person who joked in front of Donna Carnivora. ALL are WELCOME to see a goshdarn POWERHOUSE performer and all around LOVELY person Stephanie Carpanini KILL IT AND EVERYTHING ELSE for an hour. If you’re from the Edmonton Journal U GON DI | |
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| Popped OutSATURDAY DEC 10 @ 6:30PM Rachel Resnik RETURNS to Sweet ASStion Theatre FROM ABROAD for “Popped Out”. I’ve been told this is “just a regular, stand-up comedy show, with stand-up comedy by Rachel Resnik… nothing else.” Talk to me after the show and let me know how regular the stand-up was. | |
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My Grandmother’s EyepatchSATURDAY DEC 10 @ 8PM Julia VanderVeen comes from FAR AWAY to visit Sweet ASStion Theatre for the first time, bringing her award winning show “My Grandmother’s Eyepatch”! “What happens when an idiot leads a memorial service for a long-deceased family member? In this off-the-wall-comedy, clown, improvisor, and magician Julia VanderVeen leads the audience through wild stages of grief as she attempts to honor her long dead Grandmother.” I’m sincerely hoping her bit with cards on the floor is different than mine. But if it’s not I’m going to CUT MY BIT that’s how much I BELIEB in THIS SHOW | |
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| 1-MAN NO-SHOWSATURDAY DEC 10 @ 9:30PM Combining Aestheticism with Athleticism, it’s the show that gave Oscar Wilde a nosebleed! Isaac Kessler brings Oscar winning tech GORDON NEILL back to Toronto to remount his Montreal Fringe Lottery runner-up show “1-MAN NO-SHOW”. To be fair (Letterkenny) this show is so good I travelled to Edmonton for it. | |
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BedwetterSUNDAY DEC 11 @ 6:30PM You’ve heard the jokes about bedwetters, but have you ever listened to the stories? Tamlynn Bryson recounts her sometimes heartbreaking, often hilarious, and completely true story of becoming a woman while still feeling like a child. I saw a SOLD OUT performance of this show in Edmonton. Seeing how much the family in front of me was in love with this show was almost as exciting as the show itself. Also, SIDENOTE, I’ve got a great story about the Incredible Hulk making me wet the bed. Let me know if you want to hear it after you WATCH THIS SHOW | |
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| Minute To Win ItSUNDAY DEC 11 @ 8PM Many people are getting 1 minute to put on a mini solo show of something exciting enough to be memorable in a SEA OF TOO MUCH FUN! I love “Minute To Win It” to be honest. I wrecked Mila’s bit last time. Sorry Mila. IF YOU COME BACK I will UNWRECK your bit Mila. Sorry again. | |
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Corporate Shilling FOR DAYZ |
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Have you heard about ASSFest? Maybe you have and want to spread the word via word of mouth. Well, have I got good news for you. We’ve branded our own version of “word of mouth” “ASS to mouth”. Spread a little holiday cheer with ASS to mouth today. We’re going to have some swag too (hopefully). ASScots are too expensive. Instead we are going to be offering (probably): |
 | Lemon-Lime ASSBlastThe official drink of ASSFest 2022, Lemon-Lime ASSBlast will refresh the cold right off you. |
|  | Donut ASSholesWhat do they do with the middles of all those ASSnuts? Why, they make ASSholes of course. We’ll be fielding a bunch of kids with sticks during major sporting events this winter. |
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unsubstantiated rumors: |
And if you got this far… SORRY ISAAC but seriously, WTF is this: |
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I don’t know what else to do. Darn it. DARN IT! But anyways, I’ll just keep using my WHOLE ASS and see what we can do to keep people and add new ones. And if you got this far… we’re going to be announcing Brunch soon. Very soon. Keep your Sundays in 2023 open. Lady Marmalade who? That’s right. BRUNCH BAYbee And if you got this far… don’t tell Isaac… I’m not even supposed to be doing this section…that’s why it’s so short. And if you got this far… p.s. I love you plz dunt unsub. Hey, anybody watch Criminal Minds? Why did it take me this long to realize that the ENTIRETY of Criminal Minds is TRACKING DOWN UNSUBS? I’ve been following Shemar Moore since Y&R AND I WILL NOT STOP FOLLOWING HIM |
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