Sweet Action deemed a SELLOUT

*|MC:SUBJECT|*

sweet action

Sellouts 4lyfe

Before I get into the meat of this NEWLETTER, I think I should address the elephant in the room: 2 people have unsubscribed since the last OLDLETTER. If you know someone who has unsubscribed please don’t confront them, just hold them close and let them know that they are missed because there’s just not enough hugging in this unsub kind of world.


Now, onto ALLEGATIONS that Sweet Action is just a BRUNCH of SELLOUTs. That is quite a j’accuse so late on a Sunday, n’est-ce pas? I don’t blame the Hayters. In fact, if you are a hater let me know. I don’t want to confront you, but I am offering to hold you because there’s just not enough hugging in this unsub kind of world.


But YES, Sweet Action definitely DOES seem to be selling out of A LOT in spite of ATTROCIOUS MARKETING, arguably ANTI-MARKETING perpetrated by me and only me, Geordie 5-ans. For example, after just finishing up Brunch! #2 we have SOLD OUT of Brunch #3 starting up on April 30. Jeeze Leweeze. And THE Nathaniel Justiniano (or Natty for short, which, interestingly, is the same category of BODYBUILDING that I both watch and compete in given that I can’t swallow pills and I’m scared of needles) is coming in the first week of June to BOUFFON OUR FACES OFF and that workshop is also sold out with one HECK of a waitlist.


Tough few sentences in that last paragraph, no chance to proof-read though. WE KEEP TRUCKING.


I Am Klauthe (Your Show Is Showing)

Corporate Shilling FOR DAYZ

A SHILL for myself yet again. I’m gonna ramp up the music/VO stuff soon. I’ve got a new fun fancy AD/DA coming in the mail so.. once that’s here it’s all about the hear. Email me?


We’ve got SWAG on the way courtesy of Yazmin Butcher https://www.instagram.com/ymonett/?hl=en and I’m pumped for it. She’s also super super nice and helpful and so check out her stuff.


John Beale is ruinning another it’s pretty funny that my finger hit “i” when trying to spell out “running” and I thought I would leave it here. Anyways, John Beale is ruinning another Clown Workshop in September, so email him about that and/or check it out here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1022199648746555/1022199658746554/


Continuing SECTION: OP ED by Victoria

I would fuck Nathan Fielder


Nathan Fielder was born on May 12th, 1983 in Vancouver, Canada to Deb and Eric Fielder. At age 23, he moved to Toronto and enrolled in Humber College’s Comedy program. While working as a writer at Canadian Idol, he was scouted and subsequently hired to write and perform as an on-the-field correspondent for This Hour Has 22 Minutes. This success led him to write, produce, and star in critically acclaimed television shows Nathan For You, and more recently, The Rehearsal.


Nathan Fielder resides in sunny Los Angeles California and has only dated women within four years of his age.


But I don’t care. I would fuck him.


Nathan is a freak and so am I, which is why we would be good together.


We’d have freaky exchanges,,, he’d try to explain me to me alternative methods to getting rid of hemorrhoids,, I would show him videos of homemade hamster mansions, , he would be endeared, and we would fuck.

Holy fuck I just looked at a bunch of photos of him on google, and like, I don’t even think I’m joking??? I’m like I think I’m like , IN to him? Hes bit of a cutie?? but funny right where I need him to be? Like if i just looked at him i’d be like yea ok he’s sweet, but because he’s a little bit of mad man , its like, I would ????????


I don’t know him, but in my head he is very respectful, prioritises my safety, is a good and open communicator, and thinks I’m really funny.

OH NO!!!!!!! I looked up his ex-wife and she looks nothing like me!!!!! WTFFFF!!!!!! How am I supposed to compete with that!! She looks like a pretty and nice woman WOMAN!!!!! I look a step away from the kid in Jerry Maguire!!!!!!!!!!


Anyways whatever, the moments that made this my undeniable truth are as follows:

  • in Nathan for You when he sings campfire songs during a camp out with the people he convinced to come do an overnight trivia hike in order to get 10 dollar rebates for their gas

  • his entire claw of shame monologue, the lines “is children better” and “i borrowed his underwear so he could pull my pants down all the way without seeing my penis”

  • Any time he can’t express his emotions

  • this video <3 <3 <3 : ‘’’’’’’’’)))) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sADylcJs3I

  • this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dR1V8MwIXCY :::::)))

  • anytime he breaks character, specifically 00:15-00:22 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQ7HpjLAMTs&t=4s

  • HOTTEST MOMENT: In The Rehearsal when he asks Angela during an argument if she knows what sketch comedy is, and then proceeds to explain to her what heightening a bit is and why he had to eat the fake poop of their fake rehearsal son.

Usually when boy tries to explain sketch comedy to me, I get mad. But when Nathan does it, I’m suddenly more than willing to give an entire sexual chapter of my life to him.


Would I fuck nathan fielder or would he fuck me the question the answer dealers choice personally, the room is severely bright, we can see everything, music quietly fills the empty space, queen bed no sheets, curtains open just enough to let the rays of the first sun in. We take turns. 1 hour 36 min later, it’s done. We lay in bed and he breaks down every episode of Nathan For You in explicit detail. He then hands be a cheque for 50 thousand American dollars and tells me to do what I want when I want.


Here’s the only version of the video I can find of him kissing the escort in the series finale of Nathan For You:

https://www.tiktok.com/@horsesizedhamster/video/7132293318469455150


It's not good. I don’t care.


I . DON’T . CARE .


Fuck it.

kiss me

With tongue

Nathan

Forever

I am yours

Only

Sexually

Though

cause

I am

Broken

In every

Other

way.


NATHAN FIELDER SEX PLAYLIST

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3OOgS4WogYfliHvLunXfVi?si=04bfe4ec22134b7a

unsubstantiated rumors:

And if you got this far… I think you know WE GOTS TO TURN THIS NEWSLADDER into a ZINE!! It’s getting SPICY and I LOVE IT. So if you love it and want to contribute in some way then send an email to zine@sweetaction.ca and YES we’ve got some fresh new email addresses WOO


And if you got this far… Nathaniel Justiniano, while significantly sold out, is currently in talks for some super fun extra stuff like perhaps another workshop VERY SOON after the first one plus some fun WORLD BUILDING after that. You get it. I know you get it.


And if you got this far… this is the only way I know how to reach Clarke. Please disregard if you aren’t Clarke. Hey Clarke, really really loved SAT every Sunday morning before Brunch! We would LOVE to have you run MORE SAT every Sunday before Brunch!. Let’s set that up to start at the end of April? Ok, If you aren’t Clarke you can start reading here.


And if you got this far… we’re so close to an IDIOT takeover it’s making my knees knock in an unpleasant way. What is this Idiot takeover all about? Try 5 different weekend long classes plus a full on week with John Gilkey HISSELF. That’s the pie in the sky, but that pie is getting AWFULLY CLOSE to my mouth and I’m going to SNACK ON THAT.


And if you got this far… woof, I need to send these newsletters more often, there’s a lot and I’m on a DEADLINE and I gotta send this letter in 13 minutes and I still haven’t written any CORPORATE SHILL section BOSCO


And if you got this far… Jaime Mears is going to come in September MAYBE and most likely in the first week of September PROBABLY but NO, I can’t confirm it because it’s just a rumor.


And if you got this far… MIGHTY MIKE is doing a show? I would follow that heart of gold into the sun, WE’LL DO IT LIVE. That will be mid-November likely. And on top of that maybe we can finagle Deanna Fleysher to come and say hi and whip our crew into a new kind of shape. She’s the best.


And if you got this far… yikes I need to talk to Aitor on the ASAP, he’s a lovely human being and maybe we can get him here for some Bouffon as well. Hioooooooooooo that’s A LOTTA BOUFFON


And if you got this far… crumbs, I forgot. OH, right, some exciting stuff being talked about re: fun new shows that will be super fun. Your Brunchship sunk my Brunchcarrier.


And if you got this far Crate and Barrell will be having a summertime Black Friday sale soon. I don’t get this concept of a summertime Black Friday sale but my wallet says “Thank you so much” while at the same time my sweet, sweet patoot says “Thank you so much” because Crate and Barrell rides that fine line of quality and affordability that only a Crate and Barrell product can. This NOTSLESTTER has been sponsored by Crate and Barrell: Is There Nothing We Can’t Do?


And I guess last thing is I love you and if you ever need a hug just let me know.


Out of time so I will not proofread hope it is ok, ok byebye Love Goron


cool beans
Gordon Neill