My walk
I drank a coffee and went on a long walk and now my heart is beating really fast I thought that would be cool but it’s not
Mitski’s womanhood is the only womanhood I understand. When I hear “I Want You” I want to curl up into a ball and roll down a concrete hill. When I hear “Pink in the Night” I want to rub cotton candy all over my face, let the sugar burn my eyes while I lay in bed, kick my legs, and think about all I had. When I hear “Liquid Smooth” I want to wear a white dress and wander the subway, lady bugs crawling all over my arms, while I wave at all the men I see. When I hear “Francis Forever” I’m on the subway, but this time I’m in a Jean jacket, making eye contact with no one, but the trees and city skyline. When I hear “Class of 2013” I am in my bathtub, naked, with water on my toes, and mascara all over my body.
“Autumn comes when you’re not yet done with the summer passing by”
That’s a quote from “Francis Forever”. What does it mean? It means that we pass through beautiful moments in our life without the ability to hold on to them. And somehow these moments don’t stick around as long as we’d wish. That makes me sick.
I don’t want to talk about MITSKI anymore, let’s talk about Pirates of the Caribbean. Those movies are long and I didn’t realized. They are so nice though cause there is lots of water. I feel like I can put them on and I can be myself. like I can draw or read or sleep. I am confused that Will and Elizabeth kissed, Elizabeth and Jack kissed, but not Jack and Will. I guess people weren’t ready.
I’m realizing these don’t have to be long. Maybe it’s not the time for this to be long. It’s my mothers birthday today.
I wish I didn’t have that coffee cause I’m starting to get anxious and everything is feeling heavy. I wasn’t supposed to work this weekend, but now I have to!
I want to do an Iron Man! I’m really serious I’m not just saying like I wanna do an iron man ha ha I mean like I’m GONNA do one I want to I really want to, wouldn’t it be so cool it’s like fucking hard to do but then you do it and it’s so powerful. I can run, but I’m only good on the bike for about 20 and swimming is so boring I almost drown from boredom. But the swimming is the shortest I think, so it’ll probably be good.
Ok fuck well here we are. I haven’t told my father I’m moving back to the city and I also have to cancel my gym membership but I just had an intro session with this dude I met at the grocery store who was really nice even though I’ve had the membership for 6 months but I don’t want him to think I’m canceling the membership cause of him I was already planning to but then I ran into him at the gym and he works there now and then he was like I can do your intro session and then he tried to get me to get a person trainer but I can’t afford plus I am switching gyms cause the closest LA fitness is at Main Street and I don’t wanna go that far, I’ve been too nervous to go in and cancel cause he might be there cause he says he’s a workaholic, but I have to really soon or I pay for another month and I can’t afford that. Neither of them read these so it’s ok.
If any one has a couch I can crash on, I’m gonna be at my work until midnight on Sat and then I gotta be back in the city the next day! Asking people individually feels degrading, so throwing it into the ether is nicer for my body.
This Mitski dance, she really is on to something, hope it makes you feel spooky awake and special:
https://youtu.be/hYZsoMpjO34
(“”🧚♂️https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6B0esJXOfY1XCk6Ii6XVjn?si=lEIXnytcTcOnonkiwtkJ5Q songs mentioned kk )
